Friday, July 24, 2015

Idlewild duo and Old Doctor Sharp's High Potency Liver Regulating, Gastro Emulsifier
Dave Sharp - Clawhammer Banjo, Mountain Dulcimer, vocals, storytelling and caller
Carol Sue - Penny Whistles, Tambourine, Bowed Psaltery, Pony Limber-jack, Zack Limber-jack

Medicine Show sales pitch

Ladies and gentlemen, young and old, wise and otherwise, before I start speaking let me say this. I'm here today to elucidate, educate and eradicate a few priceless gems of wisdom that I have learned during my far-flung travels round and about the civilized and uncivilized world. I also have many degrees, an esteemed member of  pie kappa pie, and Suma coom Loudmouth from Whatsamatta You! Furthermore it's needless to say, it's needless to say, although what I am here to say is that one of mans greatest goals and achievements is the conquest of human pain and suffering.

Now how about you? Yes, You!

Are hurtin for certain? (Uhuh)

Has your get up and go, got up and went? (Uhuh)

Have you blarted you bramisham and declassified your crambus? (Uhuh)

Well, whimper and whine and wallow in your misery no longer. Your face is in the right place. So step up folks, because these arcane mysteries and esoteric anomalies are not for the unassuming, unsophisticated, unwashed, unsuspecting members of the public alone , but for your ears and your ears only.

(Pulls out ears and passes them out to the audience)

Friends, I know you are all anxious for me to gesticulate about the Splendiferous, spectacular, and wondrous properties of this amazing Elixir of Life. You need not beat the bushes any longer for here is the questions for all your answers, the problems for all your solutions, and the ailments for all your cures. I am so very proud to prevent old Doctor Sharps High Potency Liver regulating, Gastro Emulsifier.


If you are like most people, and most people are, you won't pass up this one and only opportunity to acquire the original, one-hundred percent genuine repatriated, amalgamated, ventriculated and highly concentrated spiritus fermenti.....compounded by me from an ancient secret concoction of un-natural spices. We have done extensive, expensive, retentive research and have left no turn un-stoned to bring to you this cornucopia of medicinal blunders that will knock your socks off and ring your dinger.

Good for everything that ails you from the pain in your Mazurka to the hitch in your get along. Pour it over your head or drink it. You can even rub it between your toes or brush your teeth with it.

No need to worry for it has all been blended to absolute perfection right in the privacy of my very own bathtub. This joy juice will put back the skip in your step and the zippity in your doo-dah. Even the razzle back  in your dazzle. Gone bald pour it over your head and grow new hair. Welds broken bones, restores rotten teeth and can even reverse the effects of time and aging. Seem miraculous? Well it is, so let me say this in confusion.

Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg. Don't let a gift horse in the house. When your exasperated, castigated, irritated and agitated try Old Doctor Sharp's High Potency Liver Regulating, Gastro Emulsifier. If it doesn't seem to sit well with you just return the unused portion in a stamped self addressed sealed envelope to Old Doctor Sharp's High Potency Liver Regulating, Gastro Emulsifier and we'll refund the unused portion of your money.  Be sure to read the label for more inflammation and remember you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead. So get the lead out and buy Old Doctor Sharp's High Potency Liver Regulating, Gastro Emulsifier.

I thank you!
The Outlaw Banjo Bob
Bob was an Outlaw, his skin pale white
He played on the Banjo by day and by night
He rode into Utah the last place on Earth
where his talent for Banjo would have any worth.
So hungry and worn with his old six gun
he robbed a small store and went on the run.
A posse had chased him and as they drew close
heard the sound they were feared of afeared of the most.
There by the fire, Bob played his Banjo so fine.
that it tickled yer feet and tingled yer spine.
Soon all the posse was dancin a reel,
right elbow swing or some kinda deal.
They'd reel the set and sashay down
Until they forgot what happened in town.
When the tune finally stopped they sat for a spell
Banjo Bob was long gone, with their horses as well.
by D. Sharp
In looking through my old bottle collection, I found an old patent medicine bottle among the group. Here was the perfect storytelling prop for my old time medicine show skit. The Bottle was once used for Dr. W. B. Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin manufactured in Monticello, Illinois and contained Pepsin (an ingredient found in Pepsi as well as senna a type of herbal laxative. By introducing the medicine show it's the perfect format to play banjo tunes, tell jokes and stories at some o...f the storytelling festivals and mountain man rondy-voos we perform at. I've edited the script for the introduction a bit. I found an old photo of a medicine show entertainment as well. Banjos are involved, so I'm on the right track. Doctor Sharp's High Potency, Liver Regulating Gastro Emulsifier - Cures warts, welds broken bones, saves rotten teeth, restores vim and vigor, reverses stink foot, cures baldness, restores regularity, siphons off unwanted gases and digestive excesses, puts the shine back in greaseless hair, the perfect gout be gone, mends broken hearts, cures beady eyes, corrects blurry vision and reverses the wrinkles of time.

The short pitch
"Ladies and gentlemen, horses and mules,
cross eyed mosquitos and bow-legged fools,

I stand before you and sit behind you

to tell you something I know nothing about!

Admission is free, you must pay at the door;

So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
The show is over, but before you go,

let me tell you a story I don't really know :
Wild Bill Hickock
He sat at the table Ole Wild Bill
Playing his cards with all of his skill
Shot by a weasel named Jack McCall
His shot to the head rang out in the Hall
There in Bill's hand instead of his gun
Were Aces and Eights and then he was done.
Banjo Poem
There once was a picker named Bruno
Who said, "There's certainly  one thing I do know
And mandolins divine
Guitars are just fine
But banjos are numero uno!"
Banjo Haiku
Like the falling Rain
Sleek wires pick-a pick-a
Belly is a Drum
Thank you for listening.
We're called Idlewild, I'm Idle and she's wild.
D. Sharp
The Set
1. Goin' across the Sea / Glenn's Ferry
2. Appaloosa
3. Old Jimmey Sutton / Goin' down to Cairo
4. On the Road to California
5. Porter Rockwell
6. Come thy Font of every Blessing
7. All are talking of Utah
8. Lincoln and Liberty
9. Spotted Pony
10. Promontory
11. Poem
12. Oh my Darlin'
13. Tis a gift to be Simple
14. Snow in the Pass / Sharp and Young
15. Poem
16. I am the Bravest Cowboy
17. Hunt the Buffalo
18. Blue Mountain
19. Zack the Mormon Engineer
20. Crossed old Jordon's Stream / Buffalo Polka

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